Seven

I am not crazy about change.  One thing I loved about working with kids with autism was their need for sameness.  I like routines and comfort and familiarity.  Yet, I get bored with sameness.  I'm not good at setting up routines.  I'm fascinated with minimalism, yet am overly sentimental about parting with things, even with clutter.  So how am I not going crazy?  Am I crazy?  Maybe.  But I've decided to jump on this blogging train more regularly and offer anyone who is amused by a look into my life the chance to travel with me at least along the next seven months, as I embark on a month-at-a-time journey towards figuring out what's most important by strategically and systematically weeding out excess in certain areas of my life. 

This journey is not my own invention.  I am actually basing it on Jen Hatmaker's book, Seven: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess.  I heard about her book on the moneysavingmom.com blog (which I love and recommend).  Jen and her husband took some people into their home after a disaster.  One little kid looked around their home and made a comment like, "These white people are rich!"  At first, Jen was surprised at the comment.  She didn't feel rich.  But she increasingly noticed all that she had, and all that she took for granted and even squandered away.

If you know me, I've been on a serious mission to find sanity and wholeness for myself and my family after a series of trials and tragedies.  I read the Happiness Project right before our family's sky started falling, and never really had the passion to create my own project, or even copy hers.  I loved the book, but pursuing "happiness" just felt like a not-good-enough cause for what felt like a deeper need for wholeness.  "Seven" seems to hit the spot.  It offers meaningful simplicity, contemplation, and change in a way that I am sure will bring its own "happiness" with guidelines already mostly spelled out for me.

Did I mention I don't like change?  And there are many things I DO like.  Many of them involve food and drink.  I love Coke Zero, chocolate, coffee with lots of cream and sugar, cheesey casseroles, chocolate, and more Coke Zero.  I love Pepsi Throwback, and Mountain Dew Throwback, and oh - did I mention CHOCOLATE?  Oh yeah, I did....

I like to think that I'm not a drama queen.  But this first month has me scared.  I am going to only have 7 foods for the month of June.  And I am going to only drink water.  I told myself a few weeks ago that I would wean myself from caffeine gradually.  I am three days from Seven starting, and I have enjoyed a big ole morning coffee as usual, and a couple cups of pop.  I might die, people.  Maybe I AM a drama queen.

Ah, but there's strength in numbers, right?  My mom is on board with this project.  She's actually the one who encouraged me to do it.  I was really only fascinated with the first two months (I kind of like the idea of month 2 - wearing only 7 articles of clothing), but I couldn't resist her enthusiasm.  That's pretty cool.  How many moms would hear about a book like that and be like, "Hey, let's do it!"  I don't know many, but my mom is just that cool.  (Except she microwaves her ice cream, but that's another story...)

My mom also wrangled a couple of friends from her church to do this with her.  And I think Ruben is also on board, at least for the food month.  Food month is three days away.  I am scared!  I am following the book's list, partly because I have perfectionist tendencies, and partly because I'm too lazy to try to think of or research seven foods that are nutritionally balanced enough to live off of for one month.  If I'm going to do this, I'd like to at least enter month 2 at a nice, happy weight that will allow me to enjoy feeling good in whatever 7 articles of clothing that will be my only clothing choices for all of month 2.  For now, the focus is month 1.  These foods are it, starting Friday: eggs, chicken, whole grain bread, sweet potatoes, apples, spinach, avocado.  And water.  (insert crying here)

Also along this journey, I am reading the book Quitter, by Jon Acuff.  It provides motivation for some soul-searching, sort of figuring out how to figure out which things you truly love to do and how to achieve your wildest dreams without being defeated before even trying by things like fear and perfectionism. 

Ah... since I doubt I'll be stress eating by binging on sweet potatoes and apples, it's quite likely that I'll be writing more to get these feelings out.  No zoning out with Coke Zero and peanut M&Ms for me.  I hope I'll experience some cool revelations, clarity, etc., but at the very least I'm pretty sure I can amuse you with my crying. 

Three more days....

Potential

I am full of potential.
I am sweet. Hardworking. Determined.
Beautiful.

I am curious. 
I am unsure.  Outspoken.  Not broken.
Hilarious.

I am innocent.
I am new to this earth.  Beginning my journey.
Precious.

I go to school every day.
Working.  Trying.  Faking.
Embarrassed.

You judge me.
Poverty.  Illiteracy.  Vocabulary.
Predetermined.

I have resilience you'll never know.
Drive.  Determination.  Dedication.
Commitment.

I will make it.
I will work and strive.  Learn. Work hard.
Be successful.

I'll find you some day and you'll gasp in dismay.
I'll say, "Nice to meet you" and greet you,
When I'm your doctor.

Those Kids

Those Kids

*I previously posted this as a facebook note.  Just wanted to include it here in the blog posting.

 

by Sherie Blok Escobar on Sunday, August 29, 2010 at 10:54pm

(This has been brewing within me for a while, but finally spilled out after some ignorant comments by a visitor
to our school last week, praising the long school day and saying it's probably "better than where 'those kids' come from.")

Oh, how sweet!
You work in the INNER CITY.
I’m so proud of you…the work that you do….
With “those kids.”

Those kids – so at risk!
Oh, those poor kids.
They must never laugh…their lives are so sad.
Hopeless kids.

Those kids aren’t so smart.
And they use so much slang!
They curse and they fight, And they don’t own a thing.
Those kids.

Hold on…“Those kids?”
Did you say that to me?
I try to respect you, and not disagree.
But something is wrong,
And it’s not them or me.

“Those kids” are my kids,
And you’re pissing me off.
They’re smart and they’re sweet
And their souls are not lost.

“Those kids” are survivors –
They’re tough and they’re strong.
They’re funny and crazy
And they talk all day long.

“Those kids” have a strength that you haven’t got.
They’ve hugged crying mothers whose sons have been shot.
They raise money for victims of earthquakes and despair
They hear about injustice and declare things unfair.

Please do not pity my children or me.
They have a strength that some just can’t see.
And that’s the only “at risk” factor
I can see.

‘Cuz though they live in the city,
And are not all white,
Those kids…MY kids…
Aren’t “at risk.”
They’re “just right.”

Marathon Life

The other day, I was reading something written by a marathon runner.  She stated that she felt she could do anything, because she has run marathons. 

I’ve completed marathons.  By completed, I don’t mean I gave any Kenyans a run for their money.  I simply mean I set a goal, spent months in training (with its various ups and downs), and crossed a finish line.  I’ve done this a few times, and though I wish I could say I became fast (or even “not slow”), I didn’t.  I did, however, learn some serious life lessons through the process of setting that goal and achieving it. 

Life Lesson #1:  Even when it hurts, if you put one foot in front of the other, you’ll keep moving. 

You might not feel like moving, but you can and will keep moving.  If you fall down, get hurt, run out of breath, etc., you can stop.  You will stop.  But somewhere along the way, you will be fortunate enough to have a buddy or two to come alongside you, and stay there until you’re ready to pick up speed again.  Stopping isn’t fun, and you might not feel proud of it, but as long as you get going again, you’ll eventually make it.  The same thing is true in every day life.  As long as we keep moving forward and getting back up, things will eventually be okay.

Llfe Lesson #2:  The people you meet along the way and who stick by your side will touch you for the rest of your life.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about runners, it’s that we are real.  You can’t fake who you really are when you’re exhausted.  Thing is…exhaustion brings out some really interesting things about people.  You begin to learn crazy, amusing things about people the longer the distance you go together.  There are people I have trained with that hold a special place in my heart, and probably always will, even if our paths never cross again.  The same thing is true in life.  Those people who have come alongside me in my current marathon of life will have a special place in my heart absolutely forever. 

Life Lesson #3:  You have to problem-solve.

I imagine that most people who train for a marathon have moments when they consider giving up.  I know I sure did.  Sometimes, you feel like there’s nothing more left inside you.  You feel like it would be easier to just go lay down and give up.  These are the times when you look back and try to figure out how you got to that low place.  Was it from not eating properly?  Not hydrating?  Not getting enough rest?  Once you figure it out, you can give yourself what you need and then continue on with the mission.  I don’t know why I don’t always think to problem-solve like this in regular life, but I don’t.  When we’re feeling down, do we stop and ask ourselves if we’ve had enough sleep, or the right food, or time alone or with the ones we love?  I know in my life I’m not so quick to do this.

Life Lesson #4:  In the end, it’s worth it.

One year, I couldn’t decide between the Chicago Marathon and the Grand Rapids Marathon, so I decided to do both.   The problem was that they were only one week apart.  Most people thought I was crazy.  I actually thought I was a little crazy, too.  But something inside me wanted the challenge, and I knew that my slow pace and my run/walk strategy would mean my body wouldn’t take the same pounding as a crazy-fast runner’s body would.  Though I doubted myself at times, my gut told me it was possible, that everything would be okay.  When I crossed that finish line, my husband, kids, mother, and best childhood friend were there.  I cried.  I felt like I really conquered something.  Even better, I had people I loved surrounding me to help me celebrate.  I hope that when the challenges of this life are over, I can look back and think, “I did it.”  I can be proud for not running away from obstacles, but making plans to work around them.  And again… I want the people I love surrounding me to help me celebrate.

Stop Multitasking?

Ahhhh!  My brain is fried.  I'm tired and drained from a day of eating, watching movies, and playing Words With Friends.  So why did I just catch myself attempting to multi-task at almost midnight?

I was... (ready?) ...eating a piece of apple pie, while looking through Jillian Michaels book for workouts to start (I know, I know), while thinking of putting dates for workouts on the computer, and so I grabbed the computer and "woke it up", and saw that it was on Dave Ramsey's page, so I read another article, and the layout reminded me of a blog, which made me want to write another blog post.  Instant stress.  An instant topic.  I need to slow down, which is crazy, considering what a "slow" day today was. 

One of my favorite blogs is zenhabits.  I've read multiple posts on NOT multitasking.  As a mother and teacher, there are many times that I can't help but multitask.  Maybe more than one kid needs help with homework, while the dogs decide to wrestle, and I'm attempting to wash dishes or something.  But now... It's quiet.  The kids are in bed.  Why do I still feel the need to multitask?

I think this kid-less multitasking is actually my subconscious attempt at packing as much into my "free" time as possible.  Yet, while I did all these things that I would enjoy had they been done one at a time, I realized I felt really stressed as I did them.  So, tomorrow....... I'm going to try to do one thing at a time, and do it well. 

A project in the making

I can't believe how long it's been since I've blogged.  While on one hand I need to simplify, on the other hand, I think writing could be therapeutic right now.  So.... I guess I'm doing a "just do it" type of experiment to see if this needs to continue.

Earlier in 2011, I read The Happiness Project.  I was inspired, and I loved it, and I wanted to start my own project on some level.  Well, here we are....late November...and all I really want to do is kiss 2011 good-bye.  Yet part of me really craves the intensity and structure of a real "project."  Something inside of me just can't get with the "happiness" project, yet I'm craving a project.  The uptight part of me likes the idea of starting in January and doing a year, just like in the book.  The cranky part of me says I should just do a chocolate project and see how happy THAT makes me. 

Well, here I am...stuck between my conflicting personalities.  When I really sit and figure it out, I think my "project" for the rest of this year needs to be to kiss my perfectionism good-bye, and make myself stronger.  Somehow, they go together.

I don't know how many people are interested, and even if no one else were to read this, it is my own therapeutic way of trying to squeeze some drops of wisdom out of the blood, sweat, and tears that have become my life recently.  In realizing how much I can't control, I am learning to focus on what is important.

I've read blogs about editing your life,  decluttering, and minimalism.  Tonight, I read the most powerful one yet.  It compared clutter to an arm with gangrene.  It said to look at everything as a "rotting limb that could kill you." (From charliebroadway.blogspot.com)  Not only is that a cool concept when letting go of physical "stuff", but how cool to think of other aspects in life as rotting limbs.  Now, I know that's kind of gross, but seriously....

For the rest of the year, it is my goal to look at everything in my life, and decide whether it is a healthy part of me, or a potential source of gangrene that can poison my life.  Whining and complaining?  Gangrene.  Doing things out of obligation that I really don't care about?  Gangrene.  Letting life pass me by because I'm feeling overwhelmed?  Gangrene.  Trying to figure out how to "fix" all the brokenness I see?  Gangrene.  Rotting on the couch instead of running.....GANGRENE.  Okay, so I'm rambling...

There's only so much we can control.  I realize this now more than ever.  But I can control what I allow to define me as a person.  I can control my priorities in life.  I can look and listen to something...anything...and shout, "Gangrene!" (in my head, of course) and run for my life, whether it's literally or figuratively.

I will document this journey, as much as possible, on this blog.  I couldn't decide what I really wanted to focus on when blogging, so I haven't blogged (perfectionism!).  I wasn't sure if people would have any interest, or think it was stupid, to read what I wrote (uh, perfectionism!).  In the end, I'm realizing that part of my happiness/sanity/anti-rotting-limb project is acknowledging that life is complex and messy, and as you try to navigate your way through it and improve yourself, there will be people that inspire you and "run" along side you, and there will be people that criticize or scoff or whatever (gangrene).

If you choose to read, and follow, I hope we can both find some inspiration along the way.  And, I'll ask you a favor.  If I go too long without writing, please hunt me down and pull me off the couch, throw the bag of Peanut M&Ms away, and drag me behind you for a run or something.  :)

I'm doing this because I'm busy

Okay, so, after a week away in the Ozarks in a little rustic cabin - where washing a pan in the rain was a fulfilling kind of work, I'm adjusting to being back into the sensory overload of every day life.  It's about that time when there are dishes to wash, and the kids are taking showers and need to be hurried along.  Thoughts of going back to work after two weeks off have been creeping into my head all day, and I'm feeling anxious.  There's camping gear that needs to go back into the basement, washed clothes that need to be put away, and a walk that Ruben and I want to take.  I feel busy.  And I'm posting this anyway.

Having time away gave me time with my thoughts.  It was a weird combination of not having personal space (a one room cabin with five other people), yet having the quiet and the slower pace that allows you to somehow focus and have a sort of "alone time" without being alone.  I bought the book "The Happiness Project" and am through about April in reading about a year-long project taken on by Gretchen Rubin.  It's inspired me and overwhelmed me all at the same time, but it got me thinking.  Cool.

I want to focus on what's important, and be less stressed.  I decided to check my work email, and found 24 emails waiting for me.  I'm proud to say I deleted the spam without reading it, responded to the couple of important ones, and now don't have to open a billion messages first thing tomorrow morning.  Three of the messages were from zenhabits.  One of them was the inspiration for this.  Leo talks about starting his blog when he didn't have time.  I never have time.  That's what it feels like, but I do.

This week made me realize that my time is sucked up by all kinds of busy craziness, but is it meaningful?  Gretchen says something in her book about days being long, but years being short.  How true!  I want to pay more attention to how I am using my days.  The kids are growing up fast, years are flying by, and at the end of it all, I want to know that I did more than just go through the motions.

Busy?  Cool.  I better do something.  I am adding this to my "Do it now" mantra.  If I feel too busy, I'll just do things anyway.  Probably easier said than done, but it's one excuse I'm going to work on putting away.  It's amazing how little time certain tasks take.  In reality, I am a master procrastinator.  I think I'll be less stressed if I just do crap and stop putting it off.  I am contemplating time limits, as well.  Seeing as I am very Dory-ish (as in Finding Nemo....the forgetful, distractible fish), I am hoping it will help to try to keep things short.  Check work email?  Yes.  Let it take over the rest of the night, and try to do everything that comes to mind as I read each email?  NO. 

Ah, yes, so Dory me... it's time to end this.  Hopefully by doing more, but in less time, and making sure most of the stuff I'm doing is meaningful and important, makes a difference.  :)