Talkin' to the Brownies

Day Six of the Seven Project.... Wow.  One one hand I feel proud.  I am proud because I've made it.  Not just made it through Seven, but I'm surviving one of the most terrible situations I've ever endured, and the proverbial crap hit the fan the day before starting this project.  Not sure why I decided to stay with it - probably because my mom and a few others were going to, and I wanted to do the whole 7 months and do it well.  I wasn't 100% sure I would stick with the project until I was staring down the last of my 20 oz. Coke Zero thinking I should finish it before it was too late, the night before the dawn of Seven.  Then I realized it was 12:15.  Since it was past midnight, I just couldn't do it.  I felt like I'd be breaking Seven before even starting.  So I went to bed.

It's been six days since I've indulged in my biggest weaknesses - Coke Zero and peanut M&Ms. Because of the situation we're going through, I pretty much wake up and go to bed with a stomach ache, which helps me not want to eat anything.  However, as I adjust and rely on my faith that God will bring about something good even when we can't see it, I'm getting an appetite back.  I'm also getting pretty sick of my seven - eggs, chicken, spinach, sweet potatoes, apples, avocado, and whole grain bread.

Last night, we went to the store to replenish our avocado supply. I really was more aware of all the choices, both healthy and unhealthy, that we are bombarded with in the store.  It was cool to realize that the things that we catching my attention were things like steak and strawberries.  I'd like to think that's what I'd go for first if I weren't following the restrictions of Seven.  But realistically, I know I'd probably go grab a giant bag of peanut M&Ms and a Coke Zero instead.  And that is part of why I want to stick with this.  If I can eat healthy food, with serious restrictions for 30 days, then hopefully my return to acting like a normal member of society will involve healthier food than I was previously choosing.  When a friend was stress eating chocolate and I wasn't because of Seven, I commented on the timing of it all.  "Things happen for a reason," was her response.  So true.  I'd be eating my face off right now.  Seven is something I can control, when some other things are not in my hands.  (But they're in God's hands, so I will try to let go!)  What I really want in my hands right now is not the spinach and chicken I happen to be eating....

I had to walk past brownies twice before eating my lunch.  Once to get my new BFF, water.  The second time, to warm up this dear, sweet, icky piece of chicken that I'm munching on as I type.  I found myself talking to the brownies.  I don't even remember what I said to them, but I had to tell them a word or two.  I found myself becoming a little crazy around the brownies, urging the guy whose birthday it is  to please eat them all so they could GO AWAY.

This reminds me of our trip to the store last night.  I found myself gazing at the bacon like it was my first love.  "Bacon, I love you!"  I actually said it out loud.  Ugh.  Wow.  So I'm sitting here with my tall glass of water, on my lunch break at school, munching on spinach leaves like they're chips, and chicken like it's...well....chicken.  I ate about a half a piece.

That's another weird thing about Seven.  I don't really feel like eating.  Sometimes I wait until my stomach growls or I feel like I'm gonna throw up, and then I make myself eat.  Again, that may be part of my life situation, or it may be a side effect of Seven.  My guess is that it's a little of both.

I wish I was vain enough to do this solely for weight loss reasons.  I know I'm dropping pounds, and that things that were getting tight are gonna fit me again.  I guess that will be good, since next month I pick seven articles of clothing to rotate throughout the month.  For now, that's also a somewhat motivating factor for me.

The best motivation, I think, is the facebook group Seven that we created.  My mom and a few friends from her church are also embarking on this journey.  A couple days before we started, I was cracking up at all the silliness we were writing in anticipation of this thing.  My 9 year old son was even reading over my shoulder, cracking up.  If you are interested, let me know and I can add you to the Seven group.

For now, I need to end this.  I'm writing on a lunch break, and though I still have half a piece of chicken sitting here, I don't think I even feel like eating it.  Goldfish crackers.... I feel like eating those.  And the Star Jar....I want chocolate!  (We have this blessed giant glass jar called the Star Jar at work, and it's filled to the rim with candy and chocolate.  It used to be my teaching assistant.  Now I try not to look at it.)

Oh, speaking of chocolate.  I will admit that probably the weirdest thing I've done during Seven was  related to chocolate.  Rubencito had eaten a Tootsie Roll, and his breath smelled so good.  I actually smelled his breath and just took it all in....twice!

So...I'll try to blog again when I find myself doing other things that may amuse you, my friends.  Now please, go eat some chocolate for me!

Seven

I am not crazy about change.  One thing I loved about working with kids with autism was their need for sameness.  I like routines and comfort and familiarity.  Yet, I get bored with sameness.  I'm not good at setting up routines.  I'm fascinated with minimalism, yet am overly sentimental about parting with things, even with clutter.  So how am I not going crazy?  Am I crazy?  Maybe.  But I've decided to jump on this blogging train more regularly and offer anyone who is amused by a look into my life the chance to travel with me at least along the next seven months, as I embark on a month-at-a-time journey towards figuring out what's most important by strategically and systematically weeding out excess in certain areas of my life. 

This journey is not my own invention.  I am actually basing it on Jen Hatmaker's book, Seven: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess.  I heard about her book on the moneysavingmom.com blog (which I love and recommend).  Jen and her husband took some people into their home after a disaster.  One little kid looked around their home and made a comment like, "These white people are rich!"  At first, Jen was surprised at the comment.  She didn't feel rich.  But she increasingly noticed all that she had, and all that she took for granted and even squandered away.

If you know me, I've been on a serious mission to find sanity and wholeness for myself and my family after a series of trials and tragedies.  I read the Happiness Project right before our family's sky started falling, and never really had the passion to create my own project, or even copy hers.  I loved the book, but pursuing "happiness" just felt like a not-good-enough cause for what felt like a deeper need for wholeness.  "Seven" seems to hit the spot.  It offers meaningful simplicity, contemplation, and change in a way that I am sure will bring its own "happiness" with guidelines already mostly spelled out for me.

Did I mention I don't like change?  And there are many things I DO like.  Many of them involve food and drink.  I love Coke Zero, chocolate, coffee with lots of cream and sugar, cheesey casseroles, chocolate, and more Coke Zero.  I love Pepsi Throwback, and Mountain Dew Throwback, and oh - did I mention CHOCOLATE?  Oh yeah, I did....

I like to think that I'm not a drama queen.  But this first month has me scared.  I am going to only have 7 foods for the month of June.  And I am going to only drink water.  I told myself a few weeks ago that I would wean myself from caffeine gradually.  I am three days from Seven starting, and I have enjoyed a big ole morning coffee as usual, and a couple cups of pop.  I might die, people.  Maybe I AM a drama queen.

Ah, but there's strength in numbers, right?  My mom is on board with this project.  She's actually the one who encouraged me to do it.  I was really only fascinated with the first two months (I kind of like the idea of month 2 - wearing only 7 articles of clothing), but I couldn't resist her enthusiasm.  That's pretty cool.  How many moms would hear about a book like that and be like, "Hey, let's do it!"  I don't know many, but my mom is just that cool.  (Except she microwaves her ice cream, but that's another story...)

My mom also wrangled a couple of friends from her church to do this with her.  And I think Ruben is also on board, at least for the food month.  Food month is three days away.  I am scared!  I am following the book's list, partly because I have perfectionist tendencies, and partly because I'm too lazy to try to think of or research seven foods that are nutritionally balanced enough to live off of for one month.  If I'm going to do this, I'd like to at least enter month 2 at a nice, happy weight that will allow me to enjoy feeling good in whatever 7 articles of clothing that will be my only clothing choices for all of month 2.  For now, the focus is month 1.  These foods are it, starting Friday: eggs, chicken, whole grain bread, sweet potatoes, apples, spinach, avocado.  And water.  (insert crying here)

Also along this journey, I am reading the book Quitter, by Jon Acuff.  It provides motivation for some soul-searching, sort of figuring out how to figure out which things you truly love to do and how to achieve your wildest dreams without being defeated before even trying by things like fear and perfectionism. 

Ah... since I doubt I'll be stress eating by binging on sweet potatoes and apples, it's quite likely that I'll be writing more to get these feelings out.  No zoning out with Coke Zero and peanut M&Ms for me.  I hope I'll experience some cool revelations, clarity, etc., but at the very least I'm pretty sure I can amuse you with my crying. 

Three more days....

Potential

I am full of potential.
I am sweet. Hardworking. Determined.
Beautiful.

I am curious. 
I am unsure.  Outspoken.  Not broken.
Hilarious.

I am innocent.
I am new to this earth.  Beginning my journey.
Precious.

I go to school every day.
Working.  Trying.  Faking.
Embarrassed.

You judge me.
Poverty.  Illiteracy.  Vocabulary.
Predetermined.

I have resilience you'll never know.
Drive.  Determination.  Dedication.
Commitment.

I will make it.
I will work and strive.  Learn. Work hard.
Be successful.

I'll find you some day and you'll gasp in dismay.
I'll say, "Nice to meet you" and greet you,
When I'm your doctor.