Those Kids

Those Kids

*I previously posted this as a facebook note.  Just wanted to include it here in the blog posting.

 

by Sherie Blok Escobar on Sunday, August 29, 2010 at 10:54pm

(This has been brewing within me for a while, but finally spilled out after some ignorant comments by a visitor
to our school last week, praising the long school day and saying it's probably "better than where 'those kids' come from.")

Oh, how sweet!
You work in the INNER CITY.
I’m so proud of you…the work that you do….
With “those kids.”

Those kids – so at risk!
Oh, those poor kids.
They must never laugh…their lives are so sad.
Hopeless kids.

Those kids aren’t so smart.
And they use so much slang!
They curse and they fight, And they don’t own a thing.
Those kids.

Hold on…“Those kids?”
Did you say that to me?
I try to respect you, and not disagree.
But something is wrong,
And it’s not them or me.

“Those kids” are my kids,
And you’re pissing me off.
They’re smart and they’re sweet
And their souls are not lost.

“Those kids” are survivors –
They’re tough and they’re strong.
They’re funny and crazy
And they talk all day long.

“Those kids” have a strength that you haven’t got.
They’ve hugged crying mothers whose sons have been shot.
They raise money for victims of earthquakes and despair
They hear about injustice and declare things unfair.

Please do not pity my children or me.
They have a strength that some just can’t see.
And that’s the only “at risk” factor
I can see.

‘Cuz though they live in the city,
And are not all white,
Those kids…MY kids…
Aren’t “at risk.”
They’re “just right.”

Marathon Life

The other day, I was reading something written by a marathon runner.  She stated that she felt she could do anything, because she has run marathons. 

I’ve completed marathons.  By completed, I don’t mean I gave any Kenyans a run for their money.  I simply mean I set a goal, spent months in training (with its various ups and downs), and crossed a finish line.  I’ve done this a few times, and though I wish I could say I became fast (or even “not slow”), I didn’t.  I did, however, learn some serious life lessons through the process of setting that goal and achieving it. 

Life Lesson #1:  Even when it hurts, if you put one foot in front of the other, you’ll keep moving. 

You might not feel like moving, but you can and will keep moving.  If you fall down, get hurt, run out of breath, etc., you can stop.  You will stop.  But somewhere along the way, you will be fortunate enough to have a buddy or two to come alongside you, and stay there until you’re ready to pick up speed again.  Stopping isn’t fun, and you might not feel proud of it, but as long as you get going again, you’ll eventually make it.  The same thing is true in every day life.  As long as we keep moving forward and getting back up, things will eventually be okay.

Llfe Lesson #2:  The people you meet along the way and who stick by your side will touch you for the rest of your life.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about runners, it’s that we are real.  You can’t fake who you really are when you’re exhausted.  Thing is…exhaustion brings out some really interesting things about people.  You begin to learn crazy, amusing things about people the longer the distance you go together.  There are people I have trained with that hold a special place in my heart, and probably always will, even if our paths never cross again.  The same thing is true in life.  Those people who have come alongside me in my current marathon of life will have a special place in my heart absolutely forever. 

Life Lesson #3:  You have to problem-solve.

I imagine that most people who train for a marathon have moments when they consider giving up.  I know I sure did.  Sometimes, you feel like there’s nothing more left inside you.  You feel like it would be easier to just go lay down and give up.  These are the times when you look back and try to figure out how you got to that low place.  Was it from not eating properly?  Not hydrating?  Not getting enough rest?  Once you figure it out, you can give yourself what you need and then continue on with the mission.  I don’t know why I don’t always think to problem-solve like this in regular life, but I don’t.  When we’re feeling down, do we stop and ask ourselves if we’ve had enough sleep, or the right food, or time alone or with the ones we love?  I know in my life I’m not so quick to do this.

Life Lesson #4:  In the end, it’s worth it.

One year, I couldn’t decide between the Chicago Marathon and the Grand Rapids Marathon, so I decided to do both.   The problem was that they were only one week apart.  Most people thought I was crazy.  I actually thought I was a little crazy, too.  But something inside me wanted the challenge, and I knew that my slow pace and my run/walk strategy would mean my body wouldn’t take the same pounding as a crazy-fast runner’s body would.  Though I doubted myself at times, my gut told me it was possible, that everything would be okay.  When I crossed that finish line, my husband, kids, mother, and best childhood friend were there.  I cried.  I felt like I really conquered something.  Even better, I had people I loved surrounding me to help me celebrate.  I hope that when the challenges of this life are over, I can look back and think, “I did it.”  I can be proud for not running away from obstacles, but making plans to work around them.  And again… I want the people I love surrounding me to help me celebrate.

Stop Multitasking?

Ahhhh!  My brain is fried.  I'm tired and drained from a day of eating, watching movies, and playing Words With Friends.  So why did I just catch myself attempting to multi-task at almost midnight?

I was... (ready?) ...eating a piece of apple pie, while looking through Jillian Michaels book for workouts to start (I know, I know), while thinking of putting dates for workouts on the computer, and so I grabbed the computer and "woke it up", and saw that it was on Dave Ramsey's page, so I read another article, and the layout reminded me of a blog, which made me want to write another blog post.  Instant stress.  An instant topic.  I need to slow down, which is crazy, considering what a "slow" day today was. 

One of my favorite blogs is zenhabits.  I've read multiple posts on NOT multitasking.  As a mother and teacher, there are many times that I can't help but multitask.  Maybe more than one kid needs help with homework, while the dogs decide to wrestle, and I'm attempting to wash dishes or something.  But now... It's quiet.  The kids are in bed.  Why do I still feel the need to multitask?

I think this kid-less multitasking is actually my subconscious attempt at packing as much into my "free" time as possible.  Yet, while I did all these things that I would enjoy had they been done one at a time, I realized I felt really stressed as I did them.  So, tomorrow....... I'm going to try to do one thing at a time, and do it well. 

A project in the making

I can't believe how long it's been since I've blogged.  While on one hand I need to simplify, on the other hand, I think writing could be therapeutic right now.  So.... I guess I'm doing a "just do it" type of experiment to see if this needs to continue.

Earlier in 2011, I read The Happiness Project.  I was inspired, and I loved it, and I wanted to start my own project on some level.  Well, here we are....late November...and all I really want to do is kiss 2011 good-bye.  Yet part of me really craves the intensity and structure of a real "project."  Something inside of me just can't get with the "happiness" project, yet I'm craving a project.  The uptight part of me likes the idea of starting in January and doing a year, just like in the book.  The cranky part of me says I should just do a chocolate project and see how happy THAT makes me. 

Well, here I am...stuck between my conflicting personalities.  When I really sit and figure it out, I think my "project" for the rest of this year needs to be to kiss my perfectionism good-bye, and make myself stronger.  Somehow, they go together.

I don't know how many people are interested, and even if no one else were to read this, it is my own therapeutic way of trying to squeeze some drops of wisdom out of the blood, sweat, and tears that have become my life recently.  In realizing how much I can't control, I am learning to focus on what is important.

I've read blogs about editing your life,  decluttering, and minimalism.  Tonight, I read the most powerful one yet.  It compared clutter to an arm with gangrene.  It said to look at everything as a "rotting limb that could kill you." (From charliebroadway.blogspot.com)  Not only is that a cool concept when letting go of physical "stuff", but how cool to think of other aspects in life as rotting limbs.  Now, I know that's kind of gross, but seriously....

For the rest of the year, it is my goal to look at everything in my life, and decide whether it is a healthy part of me, or a potential source of gangrene that can poison my life.  Whining and complaining?  Gangrene.  Doing things out of obligation that I really don't care about?  Gangrene.  Letting life pass me by because I'm feeling overwhelmed?  Gangrene.  Trying to figure out how to "fix" all the brokenness I see?  Gangrene.  Rotting on the couch instead of running.....GANGRENE.  Okay, so I'm rambling...

There's only so much we can control.  I realize this now more than ever.  But I can control what I allow to define me as a person.  I can control my priorities in life.  I can look and listen to something...anything...and shout, "Gangrene!" (in my head, of course) and run for my life, whether it's literally or figuratively.

I will document this journey, as much as possible, on this blog.  I couldn't decide what I really wanted to focus on when blogging, so I haven't blogged (perfectionism!).  I wasn't sure if people would have any interest, or think it was stupid, to read what I wrote (uh, perfectionism!).  In the end, I'm realizing that part of my happiness/sanity/anti-rotting-limb project is acknowledging that life is complex and messy, and as you try to navigate your way through it and improve yourself, there will be people that inspire you and "run" along side you, and there will be people that criticize or scoff or whatever (gangrene).

If you choose to read, and follow, I hope we can both find some inspiration along the way.  And, I'll ask you a favor.  If I go too long without writing, please hunt me down and pull me off the couch, throw the bag of Peanut M&Ms away, and drag me behind you for a run or something.  :)

I'm doing this because I'm busy

Okay, so, after a week away in the Ozarks in a little rustic cabin - where washing a pan in the rain was a fulfilling kind of work, I'm adjusting to being back into the sensory overload of every day life.  It's about that time when there are dishes to wash, and the kids are taking showers and need to be hurried along.  Thoughts of going back to work after two weeks off have been creeping into my head all day, and I'm feeling anxious.  There's camping gear that needs to go back into the basement, washed clothes that need to be put away, and a walk that Ruben and I want to take.  I feel busy.  And I'm posting this anyway.

Having time away gave me time with my thoughts.  It was a weird combination of not having personal space (a one room cabin with five other people), yet having the quiet and the slower pace that allows you to somehow focus and have a sort of "alone time" without being alone.  I bought the book "The Happiness Project" and am through about April in reading about a year-long project taken on by Gretchen Rubin.  It's inspired me and overwhelmed me all at the same time, but it got me thinking.  Cool.

I want to focus on what's important, and be less stressed.  I decided to check my work email, and found 24 emails waiting for me.  I'm proud to say I deleted the spam without reading it, responded to the couple of important ones, and now don't have to open a billion messages first thing tomorrow morning.  Three of the messages were from zenhabits.  One of them was the inspiration for this.  Leo talks about starting his blog when he didn't have time.  I never have time.  That's what it feels like, but I do.

This week made me realize that my time is sucked up by all kinds of busy craziness, but is it meaningful?  Gretchen says something in her book about days being long, but years being short.  How true!  I want to pay more attention to how I am using my days.  The kids are growing up fast, years are flying by, and at the end of it all, I want to know that I did more than just go through the motions.

Busy?  Cool.  I better do something.  I am adding this to my "Do it now" mantra.  If I feel too busy, I'll just do things anyway.  Probably easier said than done, but it's one excuse I'm going to work on putting away.  It's amazing how little time certain tasks take.  In reality, I am a master procrastinator.  I think I'll be less stressed if I just do crap and stop putting it off.  I am contemplating time limits, as well.  Seeing as I am very Dory-ish (as in Finding Nemo....the forgetful, distractible fish), I am hoping it will help to try to keep things short.  Check work email?  Yes.  Let it take over the rest of the night, and try to do everything that comes to mind as I read each email?  NO. 

Ah, yes, so Dory me... it's time to end this.  Hopefully by doing more, but in less time, and making sure most of the stuff I'm doing is meaningful and important, makes a difference.  :)

Honesty

Honesty's the best policy.
That's what they say, right?
But is it?  And who are THEY, anyway?
Do you want the truth?  Uh...
I just kinda threw up in my mouth.  A little. 
Honestly.

I'm a girl. 
Honest and pretty, right?
Is that what you expect from me?
If only life were that simple.

What a dilemma.  Raising three girls...
Brush your hair, brush your teeth, hurry up, don't be vain.
Uh... But do something with that hair.  Please?

What a pain, literally, right in my gut,
When what I feel and what I think and what I say and how I act...
Collide.

Organizing

Okay, so organizing is one of my favorite things to read about online.  This is kind of funny, because I think I'm really disorganized.  Maybe I can blame my lack of focus on the nonsense that goes on around me...

In the last two minutes... The teenager came in to see if she can have a friend over this weekend...The boy zipped away from the computer shouting, "Ooh, ooh, ooh!" on his way to the bathroom.  One kid is taking too long of a shower (I'm holding off on yelling up the stairs), and the other brought a scooter in the door, mad at it for apparently throwing her off of it, and went back outside.  Moon (our giant "blue" dog) was sneaking across the room trying not to get noticed for following the cat, who strutted across the room like he owned the place, teasing the dog.  Where was I?  :)  Exactly my point.

I read a post on facebook stating that you don't need a bunch of products from an organizing store to get organized.  This is what I've been trying to tell myself for a while.  I guess in my distaste for cleaning and organizing, I've tried to make it more tolerable by matching it with unnecessary shopping.  For example, my bathroom closet must be a mess because those cute wicker boxes at Target are so expensive, and if only I bought a bunch of them, I could stuff all the crap into cute boxes and my closet would be perfectly organized.  Uh, yeah. I know in the back of my little obsessive compulsive head that I don't need more "stuff" to organize my "stuff".  My problem is the STUFF.  :)  So... the new commitment is to figure out ways to clean, clear, and organize, given the stuff that I already have (and getting rid of much of the stuff I have).  And then, when my home reaches that glorious state of perfection that lies just around the corner (please insert funny "I know I'm full of crap" face here), I can justify dropping some money on something that will really make my house more of a home and serve some real purpose.

If anyone has ideas related to simplifying and getting rid of things, please share!  :)

A Start

I decided to blog based on my love of zenhabits.net.  There was a post recently about starting something.  For myself, often it's my perfectionism that keeps me from starting.  I don't know the perfect name...can't decide what my posts will offer people, etc.  This is my first step in dropping the perfectionism, and starting.  I am a self-proclaimed imperfect perfectionist.  In my quest to focus, I find myself with multi-tasking unavoidable.  I have an impatient (though sweet) eight year old literally hanging over my shoulder waiting to use the computer.  The TV is blasting, a child is playing piano, a husband is cooking and calling kids in from outside to eat.  It's a miracle I have any kind of thought to share.  But it's my start.  :)  From this, I suppose I hope to connect with other people who are on the same journey I am - craving simplicity, loving the complexity, trying to do right by my family while still figuring out how to keep myself together and my spirit focused on what is important.  Now that bossy (though sweet) eight year old says in my ear, "Publish post!"  Food is being served, and I need to end.  A start.  An end to the first post.  Twelve hands, six butts. (LOL) My life.  :)