A project in the making

I can't believe how long it's been since I've blogged.  While on one hand I need to simplify, on the other hand, I think writing could be therapeutic right now.  So.... I guess I'm doing a "just do it" type of experiment to see if this needs to continue.

Earlier in 2011, I read The Happiness Project.  I was inspired, and I loved it, and I wanted to start my own project on some level.  Well, here we are....late November...and all I really want to do is kiss 2011 good-bye.  Yet part of me really craves the intensity and structure of a real "project."  Something inside of me just can't get with the "happiness" project, yet I'm craving a project.  The uptight part of me likes the idea of starting in January and doing a year, just like in the book.  The cranky part of me says I should just do a chocolate project and see how happy THAT makes me. 

Well, here I am...stuck between my conflicting personalities.  When I really sit and figure it out, I think my "project" for the rest of this year needs to be to kiss my perfectionism good-bye, and make myself stronger.  Somehow, they go together.

I don't know how many people are interested, and even if no one else were to read this, it is my own therapeutic way of trying to squeeze some drops of wisdom out of the blood, sweat, and tears that have become my life recently.  In realizing how much I can't control, I am learning to focus on what is important.

I've read blogs about editing your life,  decluttering, and minimalism.  Tonight, I read the most powerful one yet.  It compared clutter to an arm with gangrene.  It said to look at everything as a "rotting limb that could kill you." (From charliebroadway.blogspot.com)  Not only is that a cool concept when letting go of physical "stuff", but how cool to think of other aspects in life as rotting limbs.  Now, I know that's kind of gross, but seriously....

For the rest of the year, it is my goal to look at everything in my life, and decide whether it is a healthy part of me, or a potential source of gangrene that can poison my life.  Whining and complaining?  Gangrene.  Doing things out of obligation that I really don't care about?  Gangrene.  Letting life pass me by because I'm feeling overwhelmed?  Gangrene.  Trying to figure out how to "fix" all the brokenness I see?  Gangrene.  Rotting on the couch instead of running.....GANGRENE.  Okay, so I'm rambling...

There's only so much we can control.  I realize this now more than ever.  But I can control what I allow to define me as a person.  I can control my priorities in life.  I can look and listen to something...anything...and shout, "Gangrene!" (in my head, of course) and run for my life, whether it's literally or figuratively.

I will document this journey, as much as possible, on this blog.  I couldn't decide what I really wanted to focus on when blogging, so I haven't blogged (perfectionism!).  I wasn't sure if people would have any interest, or think it was stupid, to read what I wrote (uh, perfectionism!).  In the end, I'm realizing that part of my happiness/sanity/anti-rotting-limb project is acknowledging that life is complex and messy, and as you try to navigate your way through it and improve yourself, there will be people that inspire you and "run" along side you, and there will be people that criticize or scoff or whatever (gangrene).

If you choose to read, and follow, I hope we can both find some inspiration along the way.  And, I'll ask you a favor.  If I go too long without writing, please hunt me down and pull me off the couch, throw the bag of Peanut M&Ms away, and drag me behind you for a run or something.  :)