Facing Fear

I pass a billboard on my long drive to and from classes out in Romeoville.  It says, "Do something every day that scares you."  Feels very counter-intuitive for a sensitive soul that prefers to avoid conflict.  However, I am finding a great sense of accomplishment from facing my fears.

This blog represents one of my fears.  I love to write.  I over-think... How much is too much when you share personal stories?  What topics are people interested in?  Do I sound like an idiot?  AM I an idiot?  :)  You get the idea.

I figure I'd start with a list of things that scare me.  It's kind of a laundry list of things I'd like to improve or goals I have for myself.  I'm 99% sure that everything on this list makes me nervous in some way.

1.  Losing weight.  Since Hurricane Alondra, I've been stress eating.  I have gained a good 30 pounds since back when I was so happy that Ruben's grandmother thought I was getting sick.  I'd love to make her worry that I'm malnourished and very sick.  (insert silly smile here)

2.  Getting rid of all this crap around me.  I have so many ideas... have Salvation Army come and pick stuff up, sell valuable things on ebay, spend time going through every last unneeded item and thoughtfully send things off to people who need it.  I even play with the idea of throwing unneeded stuff away, since it would be so quick and easy.  But the thrifty, sensitive creature inside me won't let me do that.  I'm thinking of a couple items we could realistically make money from selling on ebay, and the rest should be off to Salvation Army.  I said I'd do this over the break.  It's the break.

3.  Helping my kids dream big.  Okay, so... I think I've got a handle on this one.  Rubencito is in the school play, signed up for band, and essentially loving life on Minecraft.  The girls are knee-deep in high school applications, shadow days, and open houses.  I am trusting my gut with them and where they may and may not go, and I am dreaming big dreams for them.

4.  Being an extraordinary teacher.  I like to think I'm a good teacher, and a caring teacher.  But you know what I've realized?  I'm boring!  I am going to challenge myself to be a little more organized, do a little more planning, and incorporate a lot more games and hands on activities in the next trimester.  I am getting bored MYSELF during the day.  So this is just as much a survival strategy as it is a professional goal.

5.  Shut up Negative Nellie.  Seriously.  Why is it so easy to hyper-focus on the negative?  Fortunately, I have a co-worker that has helped me learn to make myself stop talking about things that upset me.  Not completely stop, but recognize when it's obsessive and then tell myself to shut up and move on.  Progress on this is ongoing.

6.  Be more organized financially.  We have done some cool things like cut our cable and get rid of one car.  The car wasn't really a choice, because it needed repairs beyond it's worth, but we are figuring it out.  I (insert silly, sheepish smile) made my own laundry detergent.  It both scares and fascinates me when I read about people that sold everything and travel the world.  I may want to do that some day.

7.  That naturally connects to simplicity.  I want to simplify.  What do I really care about?  My family.  My friends.  Doing something I love.  God.  I'd like to minimize the stuff that gets in the way of having the time and energy to focus on these things.

8.  This blog.  I haven't written consistently.  Too much over-thinking.  Too much daily stress.  Oh well!  Can't decide on a topic?  Well, ramblings of a mother of four, with one runaway kid currently out of the house, with a husband committed to social justice and changing a violent neighborhood, kids in urban school striving for an excellent education, family trying to simplify their home environment and make healthier choices for their budget, their home, and their bodies.... I guess that's all tied up into one crazy topic, right?

Next steps...

I shall now officially (LOL, maybe) commit to the following:
- I will ship off these DirecTV boxes so those chumps can give me the $90 back that they charged for me not sending them fast enough.
- I will be brave and attempt to sell my previous phone on eBay.
- I will blog again before the next week is over.

If anyone actually reads this and knows of a good blog platform that actually is user-friendly for people leaving comments, please let me know.  I would love to actually connect with others on some of this stuff.  I always google weird stuff related to these things.  I'd much rather read what my friends have to say.  :)