If you read my last entry, I was trying to figure out a theme for this month, to start a year-long quest for some kind of joy or sanity. This thinking was based on a combination of reading Gretchen Rubin's book The Happiness Project and the understanding that happiness depends on circumstances and joy does not.
I fully expected to write again before this month began. I was considering something about taking risks, and little did I know this month I'd jump right into doing all kinds of things that scare me. I mentioned before my teenage daughter A, who shows classic signs of reactive attachment disorder. Our first "risk" this month involved trying to get her to stay home. Long story short, the last week has involved hospitals, sleep deprivation, social workers, detectives, police officers, her biological parents, and lies aplenty. If you would've told me last week that these things would be happening, I don't know what I would have done. Cried, probably. Yet here I am, feeling stronger than I did before.
When we take risks, and really stick to what we know is true and right, we end up feeling better about ourselves. We took a huge risk trying to get A from a potentially dangerous place she's been staying. Little did we know, she lied to all the people surrounding her, so when we showed up to "rescue" her, throngs of idiots ran to her rescue, screaming at us about all the abuse we have done to her. Much drama later, and not much sleep, and more people than we ever could've imagined are seeing the light. They see the truth. They see the complexity of lies, and every single social worker and detective I talk to says something like, "You guys have been through a lot." Yes, we have, and we survived.
My mother in law talked about being survivors as we were sitting in the hospital. Being a cancer survivor, I tend to feel pretty excited about surviving. There's something empowering about going through a challenge and making it out, into a future you couldn't even predict. When A made her first horrible accusation against us, I felt like for once in my life I couldn't see any good solution coming out of it. No matter which way things went, it seemed like they would be really bad, and we would remain broken.
At this point, in the words of P!nk, we're not broken, just bent.
The thing is, I kind of like the new "bent" me. I think I am stronger. I am more interesting. I'm not as rigid, and I can be more sensitive to other people that go through struggles and pain. And we all go through struggles and pain. I hope this makes me a better person.
I am trying to take this "do something" or "take risks" philosophy into my everyday life. Ruben is venturing into a new way to make some extra money. I have some ideas. I'm exploring websites that inspire me, and surrounding me with people that are smart, positive, and wise. I am learning that I can try something and fail and still survive. I can do my very best, and circumstances may still be unexpectedly devastating. Yet, as quickly as things turn bad, they can turn good. And that good can be even better than the good that existed before.
I haven't figured out why people can't comment. If you can't sign into google to comment here, I'd love to get your facebook feedback.
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Monday, July 29, 2013
Not a Happiness Project
A few years ago I read Gretchen Rubin's book "The Happiness Project." In it, she takes a year and breaks it down month by month, focusing on some aspect of her life to work on to increase her happiness. I've been tempted to do my own version of a happiness project, but in the last couple years my life has been turned upside down, mostly due to a teenager with undiagnosed reactive attachment disorder (RAD). Apparently, facilities and professionals either believe only Russian orphans, who are "incapable of having ANY feelings" have attachment disorders, or due to insurance classifications just don't seem to use the term. So we cluster together mood disorders and PTSD and trauma and attachment and depression and personality disorders and no one seems to call it for exactly what it is: a condition where due to past trauma, you hurt the people closest to you in unthinkable ways, over and over. In parenting a "RADdish", happiness has felt a bit out of my league, but the other day I had a small revelation.
I was looking through my Bible during church last week, and I saw a place where I wrote into my Bible something about the difference between happiness and joy. Happiness, I wrote, is a word rooted by the stem for "happens", and is based on what is happening. It hit me that I couldn't bring myself to start a happiness project, because I was overwhelmed by what was HAPPENING to me. Lately, my focus has shifted away from what has happened to me. Instead, I am focusing on doing things that will help me be okay no matter what is happening around me or even TO me. This is easier said than done, but it has mostly focused on self care. Sometimes we have to say no. Sometimes we have to take a nap. Sometimes we have to say, "I refuse to allow this any more" and we make choices we never thought we would make.
In the next few days, I will be exploring something that may be a Joy Project type of thing. I realize I need some kind of structure and accountability. Otherwise, potentially healthy changes like drinking adequate water and getting more sleep could get mushed into "after I binge on ice cream, I should drink some water and sleep for 10 hours." I need to develop some structure, and a blog will let me see my own progress and potentially share it with others. I see other people in daily life and online who seem to be going through the same struggle. We want certain things, but our lives drive us other directions.
When I think of what has brought me pure joy recently, I think of Rubencito giggling, Genesis coming out of her shell at her birthday party, and Anna confiding in me with some of her deep, teenage thoughts. Ruben preached at our campground today, and a young man came up to him and said, "I felt like you were talking directly to me." My heart swelled with joy. These are the things that make me happy... and they are based on things that happened. I will continue to appreciate them. But when the kids cry, or the husband is discouraged... should I just fall apart? I hope not.
This blog will be where I process my own thoughts as I contemplate life in a family of six. For myself, I love blogs that reassure me that mine is not the only family with issues, that I am not the only mother that feels crazy 85% of the time, and that there are ways we can simplify and slow down and appreciate the things that matter most. Feel free to comment and engage with me on this journey. My plan is to brainstorm a bit and show up with a plan to begin some kind of theme for August. Please feel free to comment and share in this journey with me. Have you read the Happiness Project? Tried a similar project yourself? Share! Thanks. :)
I was looking through my Bible during church last week, and I saw a place where I wrote into my Bible something about the difference between happiness and joy. Happiness, I wrote, is a word rooted by the stem for "happens", and is based on what is happening. It hit me that I couldn't bring myself to start a happiness project, because I was overwhelmed by what was HAPPENING to me. Lately, my focus has shifted away from what has happened to me. Instead, I am focusing on doing things that will help me be okay no matter what is happening around me or even TO me. This is easier said than done, but it has mostly focused on self care. Sometimes we have to say no. Sometimes we have to take a nap. Sometimes we have to say, "I refuse to allow this any more" and we make choices we never thought we would make.
In the next few days, I will be exploring something that may be a Joy Project type of thing. I realize I need some kind of structure and accountability. Otherwise, potentially healthy changes like drinking adequate water and getting more sleep could get mushed into "after I binge on ice cream, I should drink some water and sleep for 10 hours." I need to develop some structure, and a blog will let me see my own progress and potentially share it with others. I see other people in daily life and online who seem to be going through the same struggle. We want certain things, but our lives drive us other directions.
When I think of what has brought me pure joy recently, I think of Rubencito giggling, Genesis coming out of her shell at her birthday party, and Anna confiding in me with some of her deep, teenage thoughts. Ruben preached at our campground today, and a young man came up to him and said, "I felt like you were talking directly to me." My heart swelled with joy. These are the things that make me happy... and they are based on things that happened. I will continue to appreciate them. But when the kids cry, or the husband is discouraged... should I just fall apart? I hope not.
This blog will be where I process my own thoughts as I contemplate life in a family of six. For myself, I love blogs that reassure me that mine is not the only family with issues, that I am not the only mother that feels crazy 85% of the time, and that there are ways we can simplify and slow down and appreciate the things that matter most. Feel free to comment and engage with me on this journey. My plan is to brainstorm a bit and show up with a plan to begin some kind of theme for August. Please feel free to comment and share in this journey with me. Have you read the Happiness Project? Tried a similar project yourself? Share! Thanks. :)
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Talkin' to the Brownies
Day Six of the Seven Project.... Wow. One one hand I feel proud. I am proud because I've made it. Not just made it through Seven, but I'm surviving one of the most terrible situations I've ever endured, and the proverbial crap hit the fan the day before starting this project. Not sure why I decided to stay with it - probably because my mom and a few others were going to, and I wanted to do the whole 7 months and do it well. I wasn't 100% sure I would stick with the project until I was staring down the last of my 20 oz. Coke Zero thinking I should finish it before it was too late, the night before the dawn of Seven. Then I realized it was 12:15. Since it was past midnight, I just couldn't do it. I felt like I'd be breaking Seven before even starting. So I went to bed.
It's been six days since I've indulged in my biggest weaknesses - Coke Zero and peanut M&Ms. Because of the situation we're going through, I pretty much wake up and go to bed with a stomach ache, which helps me not want to eat anything. However, as I adjust and rely on my faith that God will bring about something good even when we can't see it, I'm getting an appetite back. I'm also getting pretty sick of my seven - eggs, chicken, spinach, sweet potatoes, apples, avocado, and whole grain bread.
Last night, we went to the store to replenish our avocado supply. I really was more aware of all the choices, both healthy and unhealthy, that we are bombarded with in the store. It was cool to realize that the things that we catching my attention were things like steak and strawberries. I'd like to think that's what I'd go for first if I weren't following the restrictions of Seven. But realistically, I know I'd probably go grab a giant bag of peanut M&Ms and a Coke Zero instead. And that is part of why I want to stick with this. If I can eat healthy food, with serious restrictions for 30 days, then hopefully my return to acting like a normal member of society will involve healthier food than I was previously choosing. When a friend was stress eating chocolate and I wasn't because of Seven, I commented on the timing of it all. "Things happen for a reason," was her response. So true. I'd be eating my face off right now. Seven is something I can control, when some other things are not in my hands. (But they're in God's hands, so I will try to let go!) What I really want in my hands right now is not the spinach and chicken I happen to be eating....
I had to walk past brownies twice before eating my lunch. Once to get my new BFF, water. The second time, to warm up this dear, sweet, icky piece of chicken that I'm munching on as I type. I found myself talking to the brownies. I don't even remember what I said to them, but I had to tell them a word or two. I found myself becoming a little crazy around the brownies, urging the guy whose birthday it is to please eat them all so they could GO AWAY.
This reminds me of our trip to the store last night. I found myself gazing at the bacon like it was my first love. "Bacon, I love you!" I actually said it out loud. Ugh. Wow. So I'm sitting here with my tall glass of water, on my lunch break at school, munching on spinach leaves like they're chips, and chicken like it's...well....chicken. I ate about a half a piece.
That's another weird thing about Seven. I don't really feel like eating. Sometimes I wait until my stomach growls or I feel like I'm gonna throw up, and then I make myself eat. Again, that may be part of my life situation, or it may be a side effect of Seven. My guess is that it's a little of both.
I wish I was vain enough to do this solely for weight loss reasons. I know I'm dropping pounds, and that things that were getting tight are gonna fit me again. I guess that will be good, since next month I pick seven articles of clothing to rotate throughout the month. For now, that's also a somewhat motivating factor for me.
The best motivation, I think, is the facebook group Seven that we created. My mom and a few friends from her church are also embarking on this journey. A couple days before we started, I was cracking up at all the silliness we were writing in anticipation of this thing. My 9 year old son was even reading over my shoulder, cracking up. If you are interested, let me know and I can add you to the Seven group.
For now, I need to end this. I'm writing on a lunch break, and though I still have half a piece of chicken sitting here, I don't think I even feel like eating it. Goldfish crackers.... I feel like eating those. And the Star Jar....I want chocolate! (We have this blessed giant glass jar called the Star Jar at work, and it's filled to the rim with candy and chocolate. It used to be my teaching assistant. Now I try not to look at it.)
Oh, speaking of chocolate. I will admit that probably the weirdest thing I've done during Seven was related to chocolate. Rubencito had eaten a Tootsie Roll, and his breath smelled so good. I actually smelled his breath and just took it all in....twice!
So...I'll try to blog again when I find myself doing other things that may amuse you, my friends. Now please, go eat some chocolate for me!
It's been six days since I've indulged in my biggest weaknesses - Coke Zero and peanut M&Ms. Because of the situation we're going through, I pretty much wake up and go to bed with a stomach ache, which helps me not want to eat anything. However, as I adjust and rely on my faith that God will bring about something good even when we can't see it, I'm getting an appetite back. I'm also getting pretty sick of my seven - eggs, chicken, spinach, sweet potatoes, apples, avocado, and whole grain bread.
Last night, we went to the store to replenish our avocado supply. I really was more aware of all the choices, both healthy and unhealthy, that we are bombarded with in the store. It was cool to realize that the things that we catching my attention were things like steak and strawberries. I'd like to think that's what I'd go for first if I weren't following the restrictions of Seven. But realistically, I know I'd probably go grab a giant bag of peanut M&Ms and a Coke Zero instead. And that is part of why I want to stick with this. If I can eat healthy food, with serious restrictions for 30 days, then hopefully my return to acting like a normal member of society will involve healthier food than I was previously choosing. When a friend was stress eating chocolate and I wasn't because of Seven, I commented on the timing of it all. "Things happen for a reason," was her response. So true. I'd be eating my face off right now. Seven is something I can control, when some other things are not in my hands. (But they're in God's hands, so I will try to let go!) What I really want in my hands right now is not the spinach and chicken I happen to be eating....
I had to walk past brownies twice before eating my lunch. Once to get my new BFF, water. The second time, to warm up this dear, sweet, icky piece of chicken that I'm munching on as I type. I found myself talking to the brownies. I don't even remember what I said to them, but I had to tell them a word or two. I found myself becoming a little crazy around the brownies, urging the guy whose birthday it is to please eat them all so they could GO AWAY.
This reminds me of our trip to the store last night. I found myself gazing at the bacon like it was my first love. "Bacon, I love you!" I actually said it out loud. Ugh. Wow. So I'm sitting here with my tall glass of water, on my lunch break at school, munching on spinach leaves like they're chips, and chicken like it's...well....chicken. I ate about a half a piece.
That's another weird thing about Seven. I don't really feel like eating. Sometimes I wait until my stomach growls or I feel like I'm gonna throw up, and then I make myself eat. Again, that may be part of my life situation, or it may be a side effect of Seven. My guess is that it's a little of both.
I wish I was vain enough to do this solely for weight loss reasons. I know I'm dropping pounds, and that things that were getting tight are gonna fit me again. I guess that will be good, since next month I pick seven articles of clothing to rotate throughout the month. For now, that's also a somewhat motivating factor for me.
The best motivation, I think, is the facebook group Seven that we created. My mom and a few friends from her church are also embarking on this journey. A couple days before we started, I was cracking up at all the silliness we were writing in anticipation of this thing. My 9 year old son was even reading over my shoulder, cracking up. If you are interested, let me know and I can add you to the Seven group.
For now, I need to end this. I'm writing on a lunch break, and though I still have half a piece of chicken sitting here, I don't think I even feel like eating it. Goldfish crackers.... I feel like eating those. And the Star Jar....I want chocolate! (We have this blessed giant glass jar called the Star Jar at work, and it's filled to the rim with candy and chocolate. It used to be my teaching assistant. Now I try not to look at it.)
Oh, speaking of chocolate. I will admit that probably the weirdest thing I've done during Seven was related to chocolate. Rubencito had eaten a Tootsie Roll, and his breath smelled so good. I actually smelled his breath and just took it all in....twice!
So...I'll try to blog again when I find myself doing other things that may amuse you, my friends. Now please, go eat some chocolate for me!
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Seven
I am not crazy about change. One thing I loved about working with kids with autism was their need for sameness. I like routines and comfort and familiarity. Yet, I get bored with sameness. I'm not good at setting up routines. I'm fascinated with minimalism, yet am overly sentimental about parting with things, even with clutter. So how am I not going crazy? Am I crazy? Maybe. But I've decided to jump on this blogging train more regularly and offer anyone who is amused by a look into my life the chance to travel with me at least along the next seven months, as I embark on a month-at-a-time journey towards figuring out what's most important by strategically and systematically weeding out excess in certain areas of my life.
This journey is not my own invention. I am actually basing it on Jen Hatmaker's book, Seven: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess. I heard about her book on the moneysavingmom.com blog (which I love and recommend). Jen and her husband took some people into their home after a disaster. One little kid looked around their home and made a comment like, "These white people are rich!" At first, Jen was surprised at the comment. She didn't feel rich. But she increasingly noticed all that she had, and all that she took for granted and even squandered away.
If you know me, I've been on a serious mission to find sanity and wholeness for myself and my family after a series of trials and tragedies. I read the Happiness Project right before our family's sky started falling, and never really had the passion to create my own project, or even copy hers. I loved the book, but pursuing "happiness" just felt like a not-good-enough cause for what felt like a deeper need for wholeness. "Seven" seems to hit the spot. It offers meaningful simplicity, contemplation, and change in a way that I am sure will bring its own "happiness" with guidelines already mostly spelled out for me.
Did I mention I don't like change? And there are many things I DO like. Many of them involve food and drink. I love Coke Zero, chocolate, coffee with lots of cream and sugar, cheesey casseroles, chocolate, and more Coke Zero. I love Pepsi Throwback, and Mountain Dew Throwback, and oh - did I mention CHOCOLATE? Oh yeah, I did....
I like to think that I'm not a drama queen. But this first month has me scared. I am going to only have 7 foods for the month of June. And I am going to only drink water. I told myself a few weeks ago that I would wean myself from caffeine gradually. I am three days from Seven starting, and I have enjoyed a big ole morning coffee as usual, and a couple cups of pop. I might die, people. Maybe I AM a drama queen.
Ah, but there's strength in numbers, right? My mom is on board with this project. She's actually the one who encouraged me to do it. I was really only fascinated with the first two months (I kind of like the idea of month 2 - wearing only 7 articles of clothing), but I couldn't resist her enthusiasm. That's pretty cool. How many moms would hear about a book like that and be like, "Hey, let's do it!" I don't know many, but my mom is just that cool. (Except she microwaves her ice cream, but that's another story...)
My mom also wrangled a couple of friends from her church to do this with her. And I think Ruben is also on board, at least for the food month. Food month is three days away. I am scared! I am following the book's list, partly because I have perfectionist tendencies, and partly because I'm too lazy to try to think of or research seven foods that are nutritionally balanced enough to live off of for one month. If I'm going to do this, I'd like to at least enter month 2 at a nice, happy weight that will allow me to enjoy feeling good in whatever 7 articles of clothing that will be my only clothing choices for all of month 2. For now, the focus is month 1. These foods are it, starting Friday: eggs, chicken, whole grain bread, sweet potatoes, apples, spinach, avocado. And water. (insert crying here)
Also along this journey, I am reading the book Quitter, by Jon Acuff. It provides motivation for some soul-searching, sort of figuring out how to figure out which things you truly love to do and how to achieve your wildest dreams without being defeated before even trying by things like fear and perfectionism.
Ah... since I doubt I'll be stress eating by binging on sweet potatoes and apples, it's quite likely that I'll be writing more to get these feelings out. No zoning out with Coke Zero and peanut M&Ms for me. I hope I'll experience some cool revelations, clarity, etc., but at the very least I'm pretty sure I can amuse you with my crying.
Three more days....
This journey is not my own invention. I am actually basing it on Jen Hatmaker's book, Seven: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess. I heard about her book on the moneysavingmom.com blog (which I love and recommend). Jen and her husband took some people into their home after a disaster. One little kid looked around their home and made a comment like, "These white people are rich!" At first, Jen was surprised at the comment. She didn't feel rich. But she increasingly noticed all that she had, and all that she took for granted and even squandered away.
If you know me, I've been on a serious mission to find sanity and wholeness for myself and my family after a series of trials and tragedies. I read the Happiness Project right before our family's sky started falling, and never really had the passion to create my own project, or even copy hers. I loved the book, but pursuing "happiness" just felt like a not-good-enough cause for what felt like a deeper need for wholeness. "Seven" seems to hit the spot. It offers meaningful simplicity, contemplation, and change in a way that I am sure will bring its own "happiness" with guidelines already mostly spelled out for me.
Did I mention I don't like change? And there are many things I DO like. Many of them involve food and drink. I love Coke Zero, chocolate, coffee with lots of cream and sugar, cheesey casseroles, chocolate, and more Coke Zero. I love Pepsi Throwback, and Mountain Dew Throwback, and oh - did I mention CHOCOLATE? Oh yeah, I did....
I like to think that I'm not a drama queen. But this first month has me scared. I am going to only have 7 foods for the month of June. And I am going to only drink water. I told myself a few weeks ago that I would wean myself from caffeine gradually. I am three days from Seven starting, and I have enjoyed a big ole morning coffee as usual, and a couple cups of pop. I might die, people. Maybe I AM a drama queen.
Ah, but there's strength in numbers, right? My mom is on board with this project. She's actually the one who encouraged me to do it. I was really only fascinated with the first two months (I kind of like the idea of month 2 - wearing only 7 articles of clothing), but I couldn't resist her enthusiasm. That's pretty cool. How many moms would hear about a book like that and be like, "Hey, let's do it!" I don't know many, but my mom is just that cool. (Except she microwaves her ice cream, but that's another story...)
My mom also wrangled a couple of friends from her church to do this with her. And I think Ruben is also on board, at least for the food month. Food month is three days away. I am scared! I am following the book's list, partly because I have perfectionist tendencies, and partly because I'm too lazy to try to think of or research seven foods that are nutritionally balanced enough to live off of for one month. If I'm going to do this, I'd like to at least enter month 2 at a nice, happy weight that will allow me to enjoy feeling good in whatever 7 articles of clothing that will be my only clothing choices for all of month 2. For now, the focus is month 1. These foods are it, starting Friday: eggs, chicken, whole grain bread, sweet potatoes, apples, spinach, avocado. And water. (insert crying here)
Also along this journey, I am reading the book Quitter, by Jon Acuff. It provides motivation for some soul-searching, sort of figuring out how to figure out which things you truly love to do and how to achieve your wildest dreams without being defeated before even trying by things like fear and perfectionism.
Ah... since I doubt I'll be stress eating by binging on sweet potatoes and apples, it's quite likely that I'll be writing more to get these feelings out. No zoning out with Coke Zero and peanut M&Ms for me. I hope I'll experience some cool revelations, clarity, etc., but at the very least I'm pretty sure I can amuse you with my crying.
Three more days....
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Potential
I am full of potential.
I am sweet. Hardworking. Determined.
Beautiful.
I am curious.
I am unsure. Outspoken. Not broken.
Hilarious.
I am innocent.
I am new to this earth. Beginning my journey.
Precious.
I go to school every day.
Working. Trying. Faking.
Embarrassed.
You judge me.
Poverty. Illiteracy. Vocabulary.
Predetermined.
I have resilience you'll never know.
Drive. Determination. Dedication.
Commitment.
I will make it.
I will work and strive. Learn. Work hard.
Be successful.
I'll find you some day and you'll gasp in dismay.
I'll say, "Nice to meet you" and greet you,
When I'm your doctor.
I am sweet. Hardworking. Determined.
Beautiful.
I am curious.
I am unsure. Outspoken. Not broken.
Hilarious.
I am innocent.
I am new to this earth. Beginning my journey.
Precious.
I go to school every day.
Working. Trying. Faking.
Embarrassed.
You judge me.
Poverty. Illiteracy. Vocabulary.
Predetermined.
I have resilience you'll never know.
Drive. Determination. Dedication.
Commitment.
I will make it.
I will work and strive. Learn. Work hard.
Be successful.
I'll find you some day and you'll gasp in dismay.
I'll say, "Nice to meet you" and greet you,
When I'm your doctor.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Those Kids
Those Kids
*I previously posted this as a facebook note. Just wanted to include it here in the blog posting.
by Sherie Blok Escobar on Sunday, August 29, 2010 at 10:54pm
(This has been brewing within me for a while, but finally spilled out after some ignorant comments by a visitor
to our school last week, praising the long school day and saying it's probably "better than where 'those kids' come from.")
Oh, how sweet!
You work in the INNER CITY.
I’m so proud of you…the work that you do….
With “those kids.”
Those kids – so at risk!
Oh, those poor kids.
They must never laugh…their lives are so sad.
Hopeless kids.
Those kids aren’t so smart.
And they use so much slang!
They curse and they fight, And they don’t own a thing.
Those kids.
Hold on…“Those kids?”
Did you say that to me?
I try to respect you, and not disagree.
But something is wrong,
And it’s not them or me.
“Those kids” are my kids,
And you’re pissing me off.
They’re smart and they’re sweet
And their souls are not lost.
“Those kids” are survivors –
They’re tough and they’re strong.
They’re funny and crazy
And they talk all day long.
“Those kids” have a strength that you haven’t got.
They’ve hugged crying mothers whose sons have been shot.
They raise money for victims of earthquakes and despair
They hear about injustice and declare things unfair.
Please do not pity my children or me.
They have a strength that some just can’t see.
And that’s the only “at risk” factor
I can see.
‘Cuz though they live in the city,
And are not all white,
Those kids…MY kids…
Aren’t “at risk.”
They’re “just right.”
to our school last week, praising the long school day and saying it's probably "better than where 'those kids' come from.")
Oh, how sweet!
You work in the INNER CITY.
I’m so proud of you…the work that you do….
With “those kids.”
Those kids – so at risk!
Oh, those poor kids.
They must never laugh…their lives are so sad.
Hopeless kids.
Those kids aren’t so smart.
And they use so much slang!
They curse and they fight, And they don’t own a thing.
Those kids.
Hold on…“Those kids?”
Did you say that to me?
I try to respect you, and not disagree.
But something is wrong,
And it’s not them or me.
“Those kids” are my kids,
And you’re pissing me off.
They’re smart and they’re sweet
And their souls are not lost.
“Those kids” are survivors –
They’re tough and they’re strong.
They’re funny and crazy
And they talk all day long.
“Those kids” have a strength that you haven’t got.
They’ve hugged crying mothers whose sons have been shot.
They raise money for victims of earthquakes and despair
They hear about injustice and declare things unfair.
Please do not pity my children or me.
They have a strength that some just can’t see.
And that’s the only “at risk” factor
I can see.
‘Cuz though they live in the city,
And are not all white,
Those kids…MY kids…
Aren’t “at risk.”
They’re “just right.”
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Marathon Life
The other day, I was reading something written by a marathon runner. She stated that she felt she could do anything, because she has run marathons.
I’ve completed marathons. By completed, I don’t mean I gave any Kenyans a run for their money. I simply mean I set a goal, spent months in training (with its various ups and downs), and crossed a finish line. I’ve done this a few times, and though I wish I could say I became fast (or even “not slow”), I didn’t. I did, however, learn some serious life lessons through the process of setting that goal and achieving it.
Life Lesson #1: Even when it hurts, if you put one foot in front of the other, you’ll keep moving.
You might not feel like moving, but you can and will keep moving. If you fall down, get hurt, run out of breath, etc., you can stop. You will stop. But somewhere along the way, you will be fortunate enough to have a buddy or two to come alongside you, and stay there until you’re ready to pick up speed again. Stopping isn’t fun, and you might not feel proud of it, but as long as you get going again, you’ll eventually make it. The same thing is true in every day life. As long as we keep moving forward and getting back up, things will eventually be okay.
Llfe Lesson #2: The people you meet along the way and who stick by your side will touch you for the rest of your life.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned about runners, it’s that we are real. You can’t fake who you really are when you’re exhausted. Thing is…exhaustion brings out some really interesting things about people. You begin to learn crazy, amusing things about people the longer the distance you go together. There are people I have trained with that hold a special place in my heart, and probably always will, even if our paths never cross again. The same thing is true in life. Those people who have come alongside me in my current marathon of life will have a special place in my heart absolutely forever.
Life Lesson #3: You have to problem-solve.
I imagine that most people who train for a marathon have moments when they consider giving up. I know I sure did. Sometimes, you feel like there’s nothing more left inside you. You feel like it would be easier to just go lay down and give up. These are the times when you look back and try to figure out how you got to that low place. Was it from not eating properly? Not hydrating? Not getting enough rest? Once you figure it out, you can give yourself what you need and then continue on with the mission. I don’t know why I don’t always think to problem-solve like this in regular life, but I don’t. When we’re feeling down, do we stop and ask ourselves if we’ve had enough sleep, or the right food, or time alone or with the ones we love? I know in my life I’m not so quick to do this.
Life Lesson #4: In the end, it’s worth it.
One year, I couldn’t decide between the Chicago Marathon and the Grand Rapids Marathon, so I decided to do both. The problem was that they were only one week apart. Most people thought I was crazy. I actually thought I was a little crazy, too. But something inside me wanted the challenge, and I knew that my slow pace and my run/walk strategy would mean my body wouldn’t take the same pounding as a crazy-fast runner’s body would. Though I doubted myself at times, my gut told me it was possible, that everything would be okay. When I crossed that finish line, my husband, kids, mother, and best childhood friend were there. I cried. I felt like I really conquered something. Even better, I had people I loved surrounding me to help me celebrate. I hope that when the challenges of this life are over, I can look back and think, “I did it.” I can be proud for not running away from obstacles, but making plans to work around them. And again… I want the people I love surrounding me to help me celebrate.
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